Flapper Friday -- How Did They Get That GLOW?

Glowing Gloria Swanson

Ever wonder how those classic Hollywood screen starlets got their glowing complexions? Why the leading men appeared so virile? 

Easy-peasy. Radioactivity!

Within two years of its discovery, doctors, inventors, and cosmetics companies were singing the praises of radium's healing properties and energy-boosting powers. It was called a "revolutionary beauty secret."

This ad for Radior Toilet Requisites from 1918 claims, "The tiniest particle of Radium throws off a stream of Energy Rays. An energy never diminishing, never ceasing, day or night, year in, year out. A force a million times more powerful than any other known."

Our great-grandflappers and sheiks said, "Swell! What can we do with it besides rub it in our faces?"

How about drink it!

Don't worry. It's totally certified.

Radithor, made from 1918 to 1928, contained triple distilled water and radium. It was said to "cure stomach cancer, mental illness, and restore sexual vigor." (I bet industrialist Eben Byers, who boasted drinking a bottle a day for four years, was a real tiger before his cancerous jaw bone disintegrated.)

Or insert it in your derriere!

15 Day Course Vita Radium Suppositories: Recommended for "sexually weak men," these miracle missiles would "bombard every tissue, every organ with health-giving electric atoms." 

Truly, I had to stare at this picture really hard to understand it.

Weak in the glands? Want to be e a "REAL MAN" again?  Stage a "comeback" with Radium! 

Last but certainly not least, apply it to your scrotum!

Here we have the Scrotal Radiendocrinator. 

Simply wear it under the scrotum at night like an athletic supporter for increased sexual virility--what could be easier? (It even comes with its own little velvet-lined case for modesty.) 

Wait a minute...Could this be Gideon Cross's secret???

If Eva's ladyparts start glowing, WE KNOW.